Goodbyes

February has been an emotional rollercoaster. 

It began with anxiety about finding a rental home in time. Every "available" rental home we found online already had an applicant. It was nerve-wracking. And then, in His timing, God provided the perfect opportunity to fit our current situation. It's more perfect than we could have imagined.

Then we ran into a complication with the buyer/buyer's agent. Ugh! I won't explain because it is not necessary. At the time of this post, we are still waiting to see what happens. It is our desire to sell our home before we leave, but it may not. We are disappointed, but it is not in our control. If we have to start over, our agent will take care of everything. 

And then came the goodbyes. Lots of goodbyes. When you plan to leave, friends and family will want to spend one last time with you. It can be heart-wrenching, especially when you know you may never see these loved ones again. At least in this life.

One of the goodbyes I had was with my homeschool/hike/book club moms. We decided to spend a day hiking Owl Canyon in Barstow. Another day some of us made time to go bowling and had Vietnamese for lunch. 

My youngest had her final pointe lesson with her teacher, who has been providing pre-pointe lessons in her home since last November (because my daughter could not attend her class lesson at the studio due to a conflicting schedule). We had a bitter sweet goodbye, knowing that her teacher is in the same situation as we are, planning to leave Cali later in the year.

My seventeen year old said goodbye to two of her long-time friends.

My youngest had emotional goodbyes with her dance classmates. Some of them have been dancing together for at least six years. They had a special night of bowling.

And one night she had a sleepover with two of her very best dance friends. The next morning everyone had red eyes - and not from sleeplessness. Even me. 

Finally had to clear out my very special bookshelves built by my husband. Can't take these because they are secured to the wall. 

Last weekend, our church family had a going away party for us and retirement party for another member. This is FAMILY! We wish we could take our entire church with us. 💔

Saying goodbye to our little granddaughter. 😢 I can't even speak. 

Saying goodbye to our upright piano that has been part of our family for fifteen years and has provided beautiful classical music. But gratefully it has been adopted by another family to play beautiful music all over again. 

The saddest goodbye was on our final Sunday at church. We've been attending this church for eighteen years. Pastor asked us to come up, he told a little history about our family, and he and the elders prayed over us. Way too emotional. It should not have felt like a funeral, but I know when we are settled, God willing, it will all turn to joy and gratefulness. 

On the same day, after church, I enjoyed one more time with a couple of high school friends. We agreed that we should have scheduled a day together long before this; when you put off these things, you will miss opportunities. Don't put off important occasions.

During February, once our home entered Escrow, we packed and packed and packed. What a mess! We downsized, discarded, and donated. Everyone helped...even Dodger.

Sometimes Dodger was no help.

On Monday of this final week in Cali, the UPack container arrived, and we have been loading it with all of our stuff. And more Stuff. I hate stuff; it is a source of anxiety for me. All of it seems so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Moving really puts perspective on what is essential and what is not. How temporary stuff is in this world. 

Sorry. It's me. I'm going through a lot of spiritual growth and learning. 

I have not had very good sleep these days. I think I may even be suffering from a mild case of shingles. Figures. I've had it before, during a very stressful time in my life; and hello, if this has not been stressful, I don't know what stress is. 

Last night, I broke into a flood of tears, and I shared with my husband what I figured out: I am in mourning. 

First of all, I am mourning my country and life as I know them. Our futures and our children's futures are being stolen from us by greedy, self-serving global tyrants. The theft is real. I am aware of it, and nothing can stop it. Believe me, I do not comply with tyranny. That's all I will say. I know the story and why it is happening. For two years I have been living with this emotional upheaval. It will take much prayer and God's strength to rise above it, which I am working on.

Second, I am saying goodbye to a huge chunk of my life, where I grew up, married my husband, and together raised five children. The family events, the school events, church events, the memories. I am mourning the house we made a home for twenty-five years; peaceful mornings alone with God while riding my bike around the block; gardening in the warm spring sun; still summer days while floating in our pool and reading a book for too long; the mocking bird that kept us up all night singing in my neighbor's tree, and on and on. 

I feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder when she said her throat ached. 

However, I am also hopeful. God has answered our prayers, and He has made all of this possible. And while sad goodbyes are part of the package, we know that joy comes after. I don't know where all of this will lead, but we are expectant of God using us to do His will. I rejoice in that, and to Him be all the glory.

💗

Leaving Friday.